Size/Shred: 5 Methods of How to Eat

There are two main goals most people share when it comes to what to eat. People either want to get bigger or want to get smaller. Throughout my 12 years of fitness it seems that half the year I have been trying to grow my muscles and become larger and then the other half is spent obsessively trying to shed fat and become smaller. As fitness enthusiasts most of us are stuck in this dietary purgatory and with todays post I wanted to lay out what I see as the four main diets you may want to either adopt or discard.

I’ll be very upfront about two things: 1) I am not a nutritionist and 2) your miles may vary. The best shape I’ve ever been in was a result of me following a strict paleo diet, lifting heavy in the gym three days a week, and also having two intense HIIT workouts per week over a three month period. Not everyone’s body will respond in the same way mine did. You may need to tweak my advice not only in regards to the food intake but also with the training regime. If you don’t like/cannot perform sprinting sessions then you will have to find an alternative which still burns fat. If you do not eat animal products then perhaps finding a vegetarian fitness influencer who is very knowledgeable about fitness on a plant diet will better suit you.

The Sanchez (a dirty bulk)

I cannot disclose here why a dirty bulk is known as “The Sanchez” but suffice to say it is aptly named. During a dirty bulk the quality of your food is not your primary concern only the quantity. This is an easy way for anyone to become larger though also the most unhealthy especially over the long term. Were I a skinny hardgainer perhaps I would consider a Sanchez but only for a short period of time.

Basically one can eat anything so long as the carbohydrate and protein content is high. This includes pizza, pasta, McDonald’s and even candy I suppose. Without a doubt your muscles can grow larger on this diet but of course also will your belly. The most famous example of a dirty bulk and its effects I can remember would have to be CT Fletcher. Every day after his workout he would scarf down enough food at McDonalds to feed a small family. This did work for him as he set world records in strength but unfortunately after 20 odd years of this he had a massive heart attack and a triple bypass. So yes, the Sanchez does work but that check will come due.

The Unicorn (a clean bulk)

The Unicorn is so called as to its rarity among fitness goers. Achieving a Unicorn is what most dedicated body builders have to follow though they do pollute this mythical diet with their reliance on PEDs. Now steroids do work like magic but its similar to drinking Unicorn blood like in Harry Potter instead of emulating it.

Like the Sanchez you will grow larger with the Unicorn, but you will suffer none of the negative consequences. This is because you are sacrificing taste for health. Instead of burgers and pizza you will be limited to complex carbohydrate stables such as brown rice and quinoa. I remember eating a bowl of brown rice and tuna once and hating every minute of it. Then, just as the young men in the movie Trainspotting, I made a decision to get back onto the Sanchez. Its not an easy diet to follow but you can expect decent results. I made the mistake of promising myself after my dirty bulk that I would simple negate the fat gain by doing a smarter paleo diet in the spring. That is the promise most people make but by that time you have already developed some bad habits and its a difficult thing to shake.

The Oliver Twist (cheap paleo)

This was my favorite diet in college for two reasons. 1) I didn’t know how to cook very well and two 2) it engaged my hunter gatherer instincts the most when I was hungry and on the prowl in a super marker for a cheap and easy paleo option. The Oliver Twist is all about a low carbohydrate diet done as simply and as cheaply as possible. My typical weekly shopping list included eggs, sausage, chicken breast, ground beef, frozen vegetables and cheese. It’s been a few years but I remember spending around $30 per week on these items. The Oliver Twist is cheap and easy but runs the risk of causing severe boredom. I added the cheese in my shopping cart just to offset this boredom. The good news is if you are willing to learn then you can upgrade this diet to our next one.

The von Neumann (smart paleo)

Named after one of the 20th centuries brightest minds, the von Neumann is the best way to do paleo. Instead of eating dry chicken and bacon and eggs all the time, you can embark on a path of kitchen mastery. Learn how to cook well! Imagine if your paleo diet were being produced by a trained chef each day. With a little elbow grease you can create delicious meals at home and never grow bored. There is a learning curve to this but I believe anyone can and should aim for the von Neumann when it comes to cutting fat on the paleo diet. Not only do you get to eat well you also learn how to cook well which is an invaluable skill. Fitness to me as always been partly about learning and so this is the most ideal diet I can think of.

The Flubber (ketogenic diet)

And now we get to the final diet and the one which I have no room to really discuss as I have never attempted it. The Flubber got its name from the Robin Williams movie about a scientist who creates a sentient goo thing which has strange properties. I have not seen the movie in years but this is a good nickname for the ketogenic diet. On the Flubber you will cut nearly all carbs and up your protein just as the paleo. The main difference between the Flubber and the paleo is that you will also consume a high amount of fat as well. Adherents of this diet state this produces ketones in your blood and then magically you lose fat and build muscle. Again, I never tried the Flubber so if you are interested you should find an authoritative source on YouTube or elsewhere.

And there you have the five main diets. There are others but the ones above all focus on losing/gaining fat and also building muscle. I was thinking of adding some honorable mentions such as the T-Rex (merely a carnivore all meat extravaganza) but I feel the ones above are the most realistic for most gym goers.